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Hot Air Buffoon/Transcript
(Opening shot: the city skyline, with a clear sky overhead.) ' ' Narrator: The city of Towns-- (He is interrupted by a very agitated Mayor as the camera pulls back to show the scene framed in the office window.) ' ' Mayor: Never mind all that hoo-ha! I got an emergency! (picking up hotline) Powerpuff Girls, help! (Freeze frame of two men robbing a bank; they resemble Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble.) ' ' Mayor: (voice-over) The bank is being burgled by barefoot bandits! (Freeze frame of the girls beating the robbers into submission.) ' ' Mayor: (voice-over) Oh... thanks. (In the office, he calls again.) Powerpuff Girls, help! (Freeze frame of a dinosaur in the city streets; it breathes fire as townspeople panic.) ' ' Mayor: (voice-over) A dinosaur is destroying downtown! (Freeze frame of Buttercup and Bubbles tying the beast’s legs in a knot while Blossom uses her ice breath on it.) ' ' Mayor: (voice-over) Uh... thank you. (In the office, he calls again.) Powerpuff Girls, help! (Freeze frame of a large, ugly girl in a baby-doll dress, carrying buckets of jewelry.) ' ' Mayor: (voice-over) Jewels are being jacked by Jill! (Freeze frame of the girls beating the robber with the buckets.) ' ' Mayor: (voice-over) Uh... thanks. (In the office, he calls again.) Powerpuff Girls!… Powerpuff Girls!… Powerpuff Girls!… (The line echoes as the screen is tiled with smaller images of the Mayor holding the phone. Cut to an extreme close-up of him wiping his forehead, then pull back to show him at his desk.) ' ' Mayor: Pheeeew! What a day, eh, Ms. Bellum? (The camera pulls back again on the end of this line, and we see the back of a fat woman with curly red-orange hair and wearing a red dress. The strings of an apron are tied at her waist. The Mayor does a double take when he sees that this is not Ms. Bellum.) ' ' Mayor: Who the heck are you?! (Across the desk, we see the woman. Her face is repulsive at best: a hairy chin, big nose with a wart on it, serious five o'clock shadow. She has a mop and bucket next to her.) ' ' Cleaning lady: (surly) I'm the nighttime cleaning staff. Mayor: Well, you’re in kinda early, then. We don't pay overtime, you know. Cleaning lady: It's 11:30. Mayor: 11:30?! (laughing) Well, I guess time sure flies when I’m keeping my fair city safe. (Stay on him.) Cleaning lady: (from o.c.) You clod! (leaning into view across the desk) Do you really believe that you are responsible for keeping this town safe? You, little man, are nothing but a political beard hiding behind the real head of this town! Mayor: '(''stammering) Uh-- Who? Ms. Bellum? '''Cleaning lady: (backing off) No! The Powerpuff Girls! They’re the ones busting their butts and risking their lives out there in the mess, while you sit here in the comfort of your easy chair! Mayor: (stammering) Uh-- Well, I do the phone thingy… Cleaning lady: (sarcastically, walking away) Oh! Well, pardon me! If anything should happen to your dialing finger! (The door slams behind her, then opens a moment later. She sticks her head in.) ' ' Cleaning lady: P.S., I didn't vote for you. (The door slams again. Cut to the Mayor, now boiling mad.) ' ' Mayor: Ooh, I'll show her! (reaching for hotline) I'll have the Powerpuff Girls beat her up! (He picks up the receiver and flexes his fingers, but stops himself from pushing the button. It is at this moment he realizes she is right. A disgruntled look comes into his eye as he hangs up. Long pause. We see the phone flung against the wall, smashing to pieces, as the Mayor screams off-camera. He has just snapped. He slams his head on the desk and begins tearing up the office and pulling his own hair out. Slow pan across the room; everything is now in shambles, and the Mayor is lying on the floor in the middle of the destruction. Fade to black.) (Snap to the office door. It opens and Ms. Bellum steps in, carrying a cup of coffee. She gasps and drops the cup when she sees the wrecked room and the Mayor at the remains of his desk.) ' ' Ms. Bellum: Mayor, are you all right? Mayor: (almost raving) All right? All right?! I feel great! In fact, I’ve never felt better IN MY LIFE!! I’m glad you’re here, Ms. Bellum, 'cause it’s time to get to work! Ms. Bellum: Work? What work? All you ever do is sit around calling the Power-- Mayor: ENOUGH OF YOUR SILLY TALK!! It's time to seize the helm, baby! (He grunts and does a low hand-pump.) Ms. Bellum: Uh-- Do you want me to leave for that? Mayor: To the roof, my good woman! (He jumps down off the desk and climbs the stairs. Cut to the roof; a hatch opens and he steps out, laughing, with Ms. Bellum behind him.) Ms. Bellum: Mayor, where are we going? Mayor: Patience, woman, you’ll know soon enough! (We see a hot-air balloon tethered to the roof. It has a purple and yellow check pattern and is decorated with ribbons and sashes.) ' ' Mayor: (from o.c.) Behold... the Dirigible! Oh, gosh, she’s a beauty... (Back to him and Ms. Bellum.) Ms. Bellum: Mayor, what's about to happen? Mayor: I'm glad you asked that question, Ms. Bellum. What's about to happen is, I... (Pull back to show the skyline, with them on the roof.) ...THE MAYOR OF TOWNSVILLE... (Close-up.) ...am embarking on a new deal! No longer will I sit on my rear and have others doing my work! For I... (Pull back.) ...THE MAYOR OF TOWNSVILLE... (Close-up.) ...will defend my precious city from the likes of evil criminals! Because I am... (Pull back.) ...THE MAYOR OF TOWNSVILLE!! (Close-up.) Keep an eye on things for me, Ms. Bellum. (He jumps into the balloon and ducks down, coming up in a WWI aviator helmet and bomber jacket.) ' ' Ms. Bellum: (from o.c.) Oh, no. (stepping into view, climbing in) I can't let you go into this crazy thing alone! (He starts to undo the tether.) Mayor: As you wish. You can be my trusty sidekick! (The rope falls free.) And away we go! (The mouth of the balloon, which hid Ms. Bellum’s face when she climbed in, will do so for the rest of this episode. The balloon floats up o.c. Pan across the city as it moves along.) ' ' Mayor: Whoo-hoo! Higher! Farther! Faster! Citizens of Townsville, do not fear! Your Mayor is here! From up here I can see everything! All of Townsville will be under my watchful eye! Ms. Bellum: But, sir, what could you possibly do to protect Townsville while floating at the mercy of every stray wind in a hopelessly unguidable hot-air balloon? Mayor: (sneering) Well, I'll show you, Ms. Smarty Face! (He rummages around.) Ms. Bellum: (to herself) "Smarty Face?" Mayor: (to himself) I got it stashed right down here somewhere… (He comes up with a spyglass.) ' ' Mayor: The opening chapter in a book called "Justice"! (He puts it to his eye and begins to look around.) With this new-fangled close-up seeing contraption, I can close in on despicable crime-committers committing crimes despicably! (He rummages around again for a moment.) ' ' Mayor: And with this! (He holds up a boxing glove on an extendable arm. Close-up of this.) Mayor: '(''from o.c.) The closing chapter in a book called "Justice"! (Pull back.) I call this baby... (He extends the arm, scaring a bird away.) ..."The Equalizer!" (shaking his fist at the spot he just punched) Bullseye! (Cut to the view through his spyglass as he scans the town.) ' ' '''Mayor: Things seem to be quiet in Townsville Park. (A scream is heard. Close-up of him, still looking through the spyglass.) ' ' Mayor: Hark! (Spyglass view: a mugger holding an old woman at knifepoint.) ' ' Mayor: A heinous act! (Cut back to him, holding the Equalizer.) Time to equalize! (He deploys his weapon.) Take this, no-gooder! (On the end of this line, the camera shifts to ride with the glove toward the mugger. The blow connects; freeze frame of him falling to the ground. Cut to the Mayor and Ms. Bellum.) ' ' Mayor: (laughing triumphantly) Direct hit! Ms. Bellum: (clapping) Yaaaay! Wow, Mayor, I'm impressed! I mean, I have my doubts, but you have a real knack for this. (The balloon floats over the city.) ' ' Mayor: Oh, crime fighting's a breeze. You just have to know where to look. (Spyglass view: a man breaking into a car.) ' ' Mayor: Like the mall parking lot! Oh, no, you don't... (Back to him, using the Equalizer.) ...Mr. Grand Theft Auto! (On the end of this line, cut to behind the thief as he turns around in surprise.) ' ' Mayor: (voice-over) Eat leather fist! (The thief is knocked through the car window. Close-up of the Mayor, shouting in triumph.) ' ' Mayor: Two for two! Hmmm…at this rate, we won’t need those girls anymore! But I digress. Crime is afoot, and I am here to give a hand in fighting it! (Pull back to show him and Ms. Bellum; he points.) Forward, Ms. Bellum! (The balloon floats o.c. in the opposite direction. Cut to a man walking down the street.) ' ' Man: Hey, I’m thirsty! (He comes to a lemonade stand.) Convenient! I'll take some lemonade, kids. (He drinks it down and drops the cup toward a trash can at his feet. It bounces off the rim and lands on the ground. There is a sudden crash; freeze frame of the man and the lemonade stand being smashed by the Equalizer.) ' ' Mayor: (voice-over) Take that, litterbug! (Cut to a construction worker at an ATM. Close-up of the screen: “INSERT DEPOSIT.” He inserts a check into the slot; side view of him, receiving a stack of cash from the machine.) ' ' Worker: Finally, my first paycheck. Now I can pay all those bills! (He turns to leave.) Not to mention feed my family-- (Another impact is heard. Freeze frame of him being hit over the head by the Equalizer. The money flies everywhere. Close-up of Ms. Bellum.) ' ' Ms. Bellum: Mayor, that guy was only making a withdrawal from his account! (Quick pan to him, looking through the spyglass.) ' ' Mayor: No time for small talk now! I’ve got crimes to bust! (Cut to a boxing ring, where a fight is in progress.) ' ' White boxer: Hey, what’s that behind you? Black boxer: (turning his head) Who? What? Where? (Freeze frame of him taking an Equalizer blow to the head. Cut back to the Mayor and Ms. Bellum.) ' ' Mayor: That'll keep you ruffians at bay! Ms. Bellum: Mayor, those people are paid to fight. They’re boxers! Mayor: Ooh, look, more criming! (He starts punching in all directions as Ms. Bellum tries to stop him, to no avail.) ' ' Mayor: Take this! And some of this! And a little of that! And how about some of this? And maybe one of these? (laughing maniacally) Vile scum! Ms. Bellum: Mayor, those are tourists! Oh, my gosh! Sorry! Please visit again soon! Mayor, control yourself! Please stop! Oh, don’t! Narrator: Oh, no! The Mayor's gone stark raving mad! Where are the Powerpuff Girls when you need them? (Cut to a close-up of the hotline, completely silent. Pull back to show Blossom behind it in the girls' bedroom, looking down at it worriedly.) ' ' Blossom: Our phone hasn’t rung all day… (addressing herself o.c.) You guys! It hasn’t rung all day! (On the end of this line, pan from her to the TV. Bubbles and Buttercup are playing a video game with the characters from Puppet Pals; all we see of them are the backs of their heads over their beanbag chairs. Clem is being hit repeatedly over the head by Mitch.) Buttercup: So what? You know that the Mayor always calls when something is wrong. Bubbles: (to Buttercup) Oh!… You're bonking me! (Blossom flies into view and faces them.) Blossom: But that's just it! The Mayor always calls, and he hasn't today. That's what's so weird. I think something’s wrong. (She returns to the phone. Cut to in front of Bubbles and Buttercup, still playing. Buttercup is clearly having the better game.) ' ' Buttercup: Yeah, yeah. All I know is, I'm bonking up a new high score! Bubbles: Blossom's right. He does always call. (She joins Blossom at the hotline.) Maybe we should call him. Blossom: I'll give it a try. (She picks up the receiver, but gets a recording that startles her.) ' ' Recording: We're sorry, the number you have reached has been disconnected. Please hang up and try again. Blossom: (hanging up) Well, that didn’t work. (Buttercup flies up between her sisters.) Buttercup: Come on, you worrywarts! You're ruining my concentration! Let's just fly to the Mayor's office and I'll prove everything's okay. (Dissolve to a slow pan across the office, still trashed—this is the girls’ perspective.) ' ' Buttercup: See? I... (losing steam) ...told you everything would be okay. (Blossom and Bubbles glare at her for her belief that everything would be fine; she appears puzzled.) ' ' Buttercup: What? What? Blossom: Something wrong has obviously happened here, and we're gonna find out! (Cut to a city street; people are running in all directions and screaming. The girls fly into view, watching from the sky, then zoom down to stop a man.) ' ' Blossom: WAIT! What's going on here? We're looking for the Mayor. Running man: (panicky, terrified) Looking for him? We're running from him! (He runs off.) Blossom: Running from the Mayor? (They look up o.c. and gasp; the camera points straight up to show the balloon descending. The Mayor is once again laughing insanely.) ' ' Mayor: This town is clean! (Side view of the balloon; the girls fly up to confront him.) Blossom: Mayor! What in blazes are you doing?! Ms. Bellum: Girls! Thank goodness you’re here! Mayor: Oh no, you don’t, you little glory hogs! This is my parade! Now get back! (He starts trying to hit the girls with the Equalizer. Close-up of Blossom, dodging punches.) ' ' Blossom: Mayor! What... are... you doing?! (Close-up of the Mayor.) Mayor: This is my town, and I’m gonna be the hero of my town, so get! (He launches another punch; the camera follows the glove as the girls dodge it. It smashes through a hangar window and enters a military command post, finally slamming into a big red button labeled "THE BUTTON." Buzzers and red strobe lights go off. Outside, a missile launcher rotates into position, and its tubes open up. Cut to inside the post again. Now a high-ranking official is in the foreground, and a junior officer is farther back. The main readout screen displays the message "MISSILES LAUNCHING.") ' ' Junior officer: (like Gomer Pyle) Sir, our missiles are launchin' and there’s nothin' we can do! (Four missiles roar into the sky, with the girls in hot pursuit. Buttercup catches up to one and tears its fuselage away, and the innards fall out of the sky. Bubbles uses her ultrasonic scream against another; it turns tail and runs, disappearing into the sky. Blossom, yelling like a cowboy, is riding a third as if it were a bucking bronco. She turns it away from Townsville and steers it into the water. The last one continues unchecked towards the city. Close-up of the Mayor and Ms. Bellum.) ' ' Ms. Bellum: Mayor, that last missile is about to destroy Townsville! Mayor: This looks like a job for… (He rummages around, and then unleashes what he found) …the Equalizer! (Pull back on the end of this line to show the glove sailing over the landscape. Quick shots of terrified townspeople as the missile descend on them. Cut to a dog sitting in the park.) ' ' Narrator: Run, pooch, run! Oh, I can't bear to watch! (Close-up of the dog. It shows no response until the missile’s shadow falls over it and it takes notice of it; then it cowers in fear. The sound of the girls flying in is heard, then a loud clang. Pull back quickly to show them holding the missile just above ground level. Now the dog wags its tail happily; cut to a slow pan across a cheering crowd. One of them points into the sky.) ' ' Pointing man: Hey, what’s that? (Quick shot of the Equalizer sailing through the air. The girls look up in dismay just before it hits the missile and a huge explosion fills the screen. When it subsides, we see that Townsville is in ruins. Slow pan across the wreckage, then cut to the Mayor and Ms. Bellum, still in the balloon and floating just above the ground. The girls, now medium well done, are around them with various looks of disgust, anger, and disbelief on their faces. The Mayor, however, is now guilt-ridden and back to his normal state-of-mind after having unintentionally destroyed his own city in a bid to protect it.) ' ' Mayor: (dejectedly) Oh, I'm sorry, girls. I just wanted to save the town myself for once. I really wanted to help out. Bubbles: But you can help out. Mayor: I can? Buttercup: Yeah. It can be your job to sit on your duff and call us when there's trouble. Mayor: Really? That sounds hard. You-- you think I can? Blossom: Of course you can. So what do you say? Mayor: Mmmm... I'll do it! Narrator: (laughing) Oh, Mayor, you crazy old balloonatic! What would Townsville do without you? (under his breath) Probably be a lot better off. (The standard end shot comes up.) ' ' Narrator: And so once again the day is saved, thanks to the Powerpuff Girls! Category:Transcripts